Sexual orientation is a very personal aspect of human identity, and it can sometimes be a little tough to figure out exactly where one stands on the spectrum. Of all the many orientations out there, few are as misunderstood or spoken less of as demisexuality. If you’re reading this and you’re thinking: “Am I demisexual?”, don’t worry—you definitely wouldn’t be alone in that thought. Many people realize their sexual orientation later on in life when they become more aware of their feelings and what they feel attracted to.
Defining Demisexuality
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Demisexuality is a sexual orientation wherein an individual feels physically attracted to someone only after the development of a strong emotional bond with the said person. While in most other orientations, physical attraction may well occur without the absolute requirement for emotional closeness, a demisexual tends to require such a bond.
This means that a demisexual person does not feel the same type of instant, instinctual attraction that others may. For example, although many people may feel drawn to someone based on their physical appearance or after a short conversation, it is usually necessary for a demisexual person to have formed a deeper type of relationship before these types of feelings can form. It cannot be stressed enough that demisexuality is on a spectrum, and experiences differ widely among those who identify as such.
Signs You May Be Demisexual
You may be thinking back to your past feelings of attraction if you feel like you might be demisexual. Common signs may include:
- Never, or very rarely, feel sexually attracted to someone the first time you’ve met them.
- Noticing that feelings of sexual attraction only seem to show up after an emotional connection has been made with someone.
- Feel confused, or like a weirdo, when friends talk about having a crush on someone or being sexually attracted to someone they’ve just met.
- You come to understand that your feelings about sexual attraction are quite removed from what you see in the media or hear from others.
Experiences like these may be indicative that you are demisexual. Everyone’s process of realization, though, regarding their orientation is very different, and you need to give yourself space and time to understand your emotions.
The Role of Emotional Connection
This would then make one of the major traits of demisexuality the necessity of an emotional connection to be able to feel sexually attracted. An emotional bond formed is more than preference and a precondition for sexual attraction in a demisexual. This shall further include trust, understanding, and deep closeness, going way over superficial interaction.
It’s important to distinguish demisexuality from other orientations where an emotional connection may also be a component. For instance, a person identifying as romantic may also need an emotional connection to be in a romantic relationship but might nonetheless feel sexual attraction irrespective of the presence of such a connection. Demisexuality itself describes the need for such an emotional bond for feelings of sexual attraction to develop.
Demisexuality and Relationships
This can affect the way that one approaches relationships in general, whether they are romantic or platonic in nature. To demisexual individuals, the process of developing romance might be slower or different from others. It may sometimes pose challenges, especially in a society that more often than not stresses instant physical attraction in romantic involvements.
It’s equally important to realize that there’s real strength in being demisexual. Many demisexual people do report that when relationships do materialize, they are incredibly meaningful, based upon a really strong foundation of mutual respect and understanding. Since the attraction for a demisexual is based upon emotional closeness, they may feel a depth that is really fulfilling.
Take the “Am I Demisexual?” Quiz
If you wonder if you are demisexual, then this “Am I Demisexual?” quiz will definitely help in getting to know this part of your identity further. After all, this quiz will not tell you your sexual orientation but will give insight into it and make you look deeper into your experience and emotions.
It will ask you to reflect on several different situations and experiences from your past to determine how your feelings of attraction match up with the traits associated with demisexuality. Here, the important things are to keep an open mind and remember that your orientation is yours alone to define. The quiz shall guide you through that process of personal discovery.
Final Thoughts
It’s something personal to understand your sexual orientation. You are totally allowed to take time with that. That might mean you’re demisexual or just figuring things out, and either way, the most important thing is that you be true to yourself. Remember that it is okay to question; it is part of finding the answer.
The “Am I Demisexual?” quiz is just one of many tools to get you down this path. Take your time in reflecting on the results, and remember: that your feelings and experiences are real. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, loving yourself is huge—and it is incredibly important.
