There's a moment in nearly every Abbott Elementary episode when someone glances at the documentary camera and you feel it in your soul. Maybe it's Gregory staring blankly after another wild Janine idea, or Barbara quietly refusing to dignify a question with an answer. The show takes the everyday chaos of a public elementary school in Philadelphia, with its broken supplies, tiny budgets and big hearts, and turns it into one of the most quotable sitcoms around. It's also full of people you've probably worked with.
The Optimist and the Straight Man
Janine Teagues teaches second grade and believes, deep in her bones, that she can fix everything at Abbott. A worn out rug, a missing set of books, a coworker's love life. She volunteers for every project, builds things on her own time, and now and then gets in way over her head. You can't help rooting for her, even while you're wincing.
Gregory Eddie came in as a substitute after missing out on the principal job and stayed on to teach first grade. He's dry, organized and allergic to gimmicks, and his long silent looks at the camera say more than most people's speeches. Under the calm surface is a man who cares a lot, he just won't announce it.
The Veterans Who Really Run the Place
Barbara Howard has taught kindergarten for decades, carries herself with complete dignity and has no time for nonsense. She's endlessly patient with five year olds and much less patient with adults who don't pull their weight. Her faith and her marriage keep her grounded, and her approval is something the younger teachers would quietly frame if they could.
Melissa Schemmenti is South Philly to the core. She knows a guy for everything, from cheap classroom supplies to tickets for the big game, and she'll defend her students like they're her own family. She's loud, funny and impossible to rattle. Together, Barbara and Melissa are the teachers newcomers learn the most from, whether they asked or not.
Ava, Jacob and the Art of Trying
Ava Coleman is the principal, a job she landed through a move that was questionable at best. She'd rather plan a brand photoshoot than read a budget report, and she treats every school event like a red carpet. Yet when it really matters, she turns out to be sharper and more caring than anyone gives her credit for.
Jacob Hill teaches history and tries so hard to be a good ally that it sometimes circles right back around to awkward. He loves a fun fact, wears his heart on his cardigan, and will sign up for any committee you mention. He's earnest in a way that's easy to tease and even easier to love.
Of course, the school also runs on Mr. Johnson, the janitor with endless odd stories, but he deserves a quiz of his own.
What Kind of Coworker Are You?
Every workplace has its Janine, its Gregory and its Melissa, and you've probably spotted them already. The harder question is which one you are. The quiz asks what happens when the copier breaks right before class, what you keep on your desk, which field trip you'd pick and how you behave in a staff meeting that should have been an email. There are no wrong answers, just honest ones.
You don't need to be a teacher to play, either. Anyone who has worked somewhere with too little money and too many big personalities will recognize themselves pretty quickly. Go with your gut, and try not to look straight at the camera when your result comes up.
